a studio
Its
morning, even before I open my eyes I can tell by the sound of the
crows bellowing nearby. A crisp morning greets me, my arms outside
the covers are tingling with a chill. I bring them in to comfort
them, I sigh.
Then
I open my eyes. A gentle morning light greets me. I blink, wanting to
clear the sandman’s deposits and gain some focus. “What day is
it” I think, Saturday is the answer. Another Saturday, a break in
my daily stumble, one of the only days with a regular agenda, I make
coffee, read emails, do yoga then trundle down to the Neat cafe to
meet with friends from the area. Its been a tradition since the early
days of the cafe, all of us wanting to show some kind of support to
the new business on the block
Burnstown
is a tiny village, just a hamlet really. It doesn’t qualify as a
village; not enough residents. But the town is full of energy, or it
was. It had a community of people who had worked together to make art
and life happen in the only way artist can, wild parties, art of many
sorts being produced by artists and artisans who have dedicated their
life to the pursuit to of it, the dream, the adventure of creation on
a continuous basis. I felt I had found a home when I arrived,
suddenly, one day.
I
was homeless. A chapter of my life had ended tragically and I
needed a reinvention fast, without forethought or any understanding
of the probabilities. I was flying blind.
My
time in B'town was not to last, but I didn’t know that then, I
acted as if I was forever, and that I had always had been a
part of it . A trick of mine, throwing my ideas and
sensibilities into the mix, changing the hue of the hamlet, making it
something it would not have been without me. My entrepreneurial
essence was not strong, but I worked hard at tuning it up. I learned
from others, took advice, or not. The economy stumbled and then the
building I resided in was sold and I had to move. Suddenly,
Springtown became my new home.
I
bought a tiny cabin, by North American standards, no hot running
water but cold came from a tap some of the year. It was a big enough
piece of land to allow me to build a studio.
Had
this been a dream? I'd always had a studio. Now I had one, a big room
dedicated to art, filled to the brim with supplies and apparatus to
make art. In it, I would paint, sing, dance, dream and make things, various things, things that were me
saying this and that, commentary on my world often obscured in
meaning by doubt and internal bleeding. Sometimes the images were
bold and unapologetic but mostly they would celebrate the quiet
moments of my life. Those times when a shadow on a wall can make me
stop in my tracks, a reflection makes me not turn my head to see the
solid object because the reflection is so much more beautiful and I
don't want to spoil the intense rush of love I feel from it. It
being an inanimate object or a tree or a bit of sky.
The
process of building this studio took up the better part of a year and
most of my creative energy wet into it. No ordinary place, I worked
hard to make it something I could be proud of and distinctive enough
to attract attention. I did that. But the momentum has waned and my
ideals are shifting. Life as a single home owner hit me. I'd
owned houses before with various husbands and I had always
participated in the upkeep and management. But to be responsible
alone was a different story I found. Quandaries plagued me, decisions
became more and more difficult. Monetary restraints kept me in line, 'can't afford' became a mantra. Its an illusion, one can afford
anything if your priorities become that thing, where there's a will
there's a way.... Once again reinventing myself, rising from the ashes. What
are my fears, are they real or just retinal images from the past. Can I
succeed? what is success? Can I do this alone? Am I alone? What is it
I am doing here? It doesn't matter if I stay here forever, am here
now.
My
horoscope says I am on the threshold of a dream but I don't know what
it is...that much is true. Floating
in a silver mist now, wondering, wandering....seeking.
I
want control over where I am going, not just imaginary dreams that
end up nowhere.
I
want to make use of the studio space in a smart way....I want to get
back to enjoying life....
I
have recommitted to my selling art, I have to become some kind of an entrepreneur
....